relationship over religion
I used to be a part of a religion…
It promised belonging and acceptance. Therefore, I devoted a lot of time and energy to it. A place where I felt accomplished when I did something good and right.
But a place of shame, guilt, and feeling unworthy when I made a mistake. This shame would convince me to be a slave to a set of standards enforced by this religion.
Perfection.
When I fell short, it left me lonely, dry, unloved and never feeling enough.
My body grew tired of striving and trying to live up to these impossible standards. I never felt the fulfillment it promised me because I was never at rest.
So, one day, I feel apart. I was mentally and physically exhausted. My breath was heavy as if I ran a continual marathon.
In my sorrow and shame, I just cried, “God I’m tired of not being enough for You. I’m tired of not meeting these standards You want for me. I tired of the shame. I’m tired of never feeling enough.
What do I do? How can I continue in this religion when I don’t feel rest but am running a race of unworthiness and unfulfillment?”
“You can’t.” I heard.
God saw me in this ditch I dug for myself with every step of striving I did. “You were never meant to meet these standards. I know You can’t. They’re impossible. Only I can and I did, along with carrying every bit of shame and guilt you feel right now.”
“What do you mean Lord?”
And I asked this question, he stuck His hand deep down into my pit, wanting me to take it and trust Him.
This Holy, Perfect hand that created the world reached deep into my dirt to take an imperfect part of His creation out of its striving.
And in the midst of so much hurt, sadness, loneliness, and feeling unloved, I somehow took His hand.
And He sang over me saying, “This is not what I desire for you. You have created your own religion thinking that I want you to meet all these standards and be perfect. This is not my will for you.
Knowing that you can never reach the standards, I meet them for you. In my perfection I humbled myself, taking on the likeness of humanity, tempted with every temptation possible but never falling short, and became obedient to the death you deserve, even death on a cross.
I did this for you, so You don’t have to.
Let go of this religion that you can never achieve and step into a relationship with me filled with peace, belonging, rest, fulfillment, and satisfaction.
But most of all, sonship. You are my child. You no longer belong to the way of the world but now belong to me. I am the Good Good Father.
I am your place of rest and safety. I am love. Come to me, I am all that you need.”
And from that moment on, I never turned back. I now live in relationship with my Heavenly Father. I now know who I am. I now rest in the Presence of the Creator of the Universe and Creator of my soul.
And even though I get tempted to strive for belonging and acceptance in places I know won’t fulfill me, I know that I have found it in Christ and no longer search for it in dry places.
And you can too.
“Some wandered in the desolate wilderness,
Finding no way to a city where they could live.
They were hungry and thirsty;
Their spirits failed within them.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; he rescued them from their distress. He led them by the right path
To go to a city where they could live.
Let them give thanks to the Lord
For his faithful love
And his wondrous works for all humanity.
For he has satisfied the thirsty
And filled the hungry with good things.”
Psalm 107:12-14a
“You will call to me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. And I will be found by you – this is the Lord’s declaration…”
Jeremiah 29:12-14a
Songs to Listen to When Feeling, Unworthy, Unwanted, Unloved and Unsatisfied.
Out of Hiding - Steffany Gretzinger
Pursue/All I Need Is You - Hillsong Worship, Hillsong Young & Free
Even When It Hurts (Praise Song) - Hillsong UNITED
Here Again - Elevation Worship
Alter (Live) - SEU Worship
Love Came Down - Bethel Music, Brian Johnson
You Say - Lauren Daigle
Defender - Jesus Culture, Katie Torwalt
You’re the Only One - Chris Renzema, Moriah Hazeltine
Deeper (Christ Your Love) - SEU Worship
Rescue - Lauren Daigle
